I Don't Know!

I am blogging because I don't want to do anything on my to-do list today. It involves paying bills and menial housework. I am blogging because I am sick of writing thank you notes and cleaning up puppy pee. Every time I cross a name off my thank you list I remember someone else I need to add to the list. So I thought I would take a small break and blog. I'm feeling inspired. Funny how that happens when I should be doing something else. In nursing school when I had a test coming up to study for, my closets would always get organized, my underwear drawer: color-coded, the cans in my lazy-susan would be disinfected, my dog's teeth: flossed, you get the picture. I am a master at procrastination.

So this morning, I am pondering the whys and wherefores of life. Certainly this is a task I am up for after 6 cups of extra strong coffee and Dayquil. Who knows? I may re grout the bathroom later. Today I am entitling this "I don't know".  A lot of my quandaries come after a recent healthy dose of reality TV.

• I don't know what the age limit for skinny jeans is, but as far as I'm concerned, 29 ain't it.
• I don't know how a woman doesn't know she is pregnant.
• I don't know why some people think facebook is the appropriate venue to air theirs and their family's dirty laundry.
• I don't know why the man on "Man vs. Food" doesn't weigh 7000 lbs.
• I don't know why my son thinks it's OK to fart like it's his job. Seriously, why must this be passed off as "boys being boys"? Can't they hold it in at all?
• I don't know why potatoes can't come out of the skin mashed. How great would this be, GRITS?
• I don't know how my hair knows the moment I apply lip gloss. In a hot second it's all adhered to my mouth. Lip gloss, you and I have what is called a love-hate relationship.
• I don't know why half the customers in Wal-Mart look like a genetic experiment gone terribly awry. Unless you are Kid Rock, mullets and leather jackets with fringe went out in '94. And no, I don't think your butt is "Juicy". It looks like you were beaten in the rear with a sack of nickels. They sell perfectly appropriate apparel there. Buy some in your size.
• I don't know why the kids on Nanny 911 aren't in a zoo and the parents in jail. What a freak show.
• I don't know why males can't put the seat down AND flush. What is so hard about that concept?
• I don't know why my phone only gets lost when I have it on vibrate.
• I don't know why leg hair regenerates in 3 seconds after exposure to cold but it takes 2 years to grow out a bad haircut.
• I don't know why patients mistake RN for waitress. I did not go to school for 4 years so I could fetch snacks and water at precise temperatures of your choosing. What is it about being sick that makes all self-sufficiency go out the window?
• I don't know why people living in the US refuse to learn to speak English. Why must I learn your language to be able to communicate with you?
• I don't know why you think I want to hear your phone conversation when I sit next to your table in a restaurant.
• I don't know why you can't talk to me for 5 minutes without texting 7 other people. Really? Can it not wait? Or am I just that uninteresting?
• I don't know why people feel the need to ask me in hushed tones, "Will she be... black?", upon finding out we are adopting from Ethiopia. Of course!!!  If she's not black I'm gonna be worried! And black is not a bad word.
• I don't know why people feel the need to ask me "Why not adopt here?" I don't have to give you my list of 278 reasons why not here.

I feel better. I'm getting off my soapbox now. Feel free to send me some of your quandaries in the comment section. I'd love to hear them! I'm sure there will be more to add in a later installment. For now, I guess I should get on with my tasks and go find some dog's teeth to floss.  ;)