Bitter or Better?

Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For 3 days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink the water because it was bitter. So the people grumbled against Moses saying, 'What are we to drink?'
Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water and the water became sweet.
There the Lord made a decree and a law for them and there he tested them. He said, 'If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.                         Exodus 15 22-26

(It's about to get personal and ugly.)
So there I was. Sitting in church on a beautiful October day. Still basking in the glory of a UK win over those filthy gamecocks late last night. Thinking about how angry I was. How unfair people are. How uncaring others are. How, I don't for the life of me, understand why we find ourselves in this situation when all we are trying to do is fulfill the will of God. Our preacher stands up and says to turn to Genesis. Then he stopped and says to turn to another passage, the one above. He says to the congregation that all of a sudden the game plan changed and the Lord was leading him to preach this other message instead. And it was for me.
Rewind 5 months. In May when we chose to pursue an international adoption I was gobbling up all the blogs and YouTube adoption videos I could. I became acutely aware of the dire orphan situation in Ethiopia. The Lord revealed to me passages of scripture I had never realized were there, though I had read them many times. My favorite has since become James 1:27. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." And now we were obligated to to something because according to Proverbs 21:12
Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.
So automatically I figure all the good christian people in our lives, (work, church, family) will rally around us. They would all make certain to show us their support and faithfulness, taking it upon themselves to provide for our adoption whether it be financially or in prayer. We know enough people that it would not be difficult to have at least half the money in a few months. Our church family would pour out their love and devotion on us, knowing in their hearts that they were really using this to serve God. He has commanded us to care for the orphan. We are perpetually involved in missions and this isn't so different. At least I didn't think so. Not only on a personal, selfish level because it would be bringing home our child, but it would be following His commandments.
Now a funny thing about most scriptural bible-preaching churches in America; the plight of the orphan is not preached. There have been books written about "the whole in our gospel", which is actually the title of one of the books. I'm not getting on my soap box but it's intriguing to me. It's just not discussed. I wonder if the American Dream lifestyle has anything to do with it. We are so wrapped up in our lives, pursuing wealth, education, and the optimal life for our family that we forget about the other side of the world. The side where a mother has to prostitute herself out to villagers so she can have money to feed her 6 children. Or in Uganda where a mother makes her own alcohol to sell so she can buy food for her family. When the alcohol doesn't sell and there is no money she gives the drink to her kids at night before bed so they won't feel the pangs of huger. In our world we can't imagine a mother dying in childbirth and the father having to give the baby up for adoption because he can't afford formula. Can you imagine having to look at your kids and choose which ones to give up for adoption because you can't provide food for all of them? You know that you will never see them again. This is the reality in Ethiopia. In most of Africa. The cost of the pizza  you got on Saturday while you were watching football would have fed a family in Ethiopia for a month.
Fast forward from May to October. Guess what? The rallying that I thought would inevitably happen has not. I have allowed myself to get bitter about it. Family that I knew would help us have not. Friends that I knew would help us have not. The support from most of these christian people we know has been underwhelming. And I have spent many hours asking God why. Why after everything we have already been through are you allowing this to happen? More disappointment and discouragement. But he used Bro. Reggie on Sunday morning to speak to me. I realized that I'm in a place like Marah. And I am like the grumbling children of Israel. I was choosing to stay there and drink the bitter water instead of moving on to Elim. If we will just listen to God and do what he is telling us to do, he is going to provide that piece of wood and give us what we need. I can't plan this out. I need to remove my expectations and planning.
 Disappointment occurs when expectations aren't met. I can't expect everyone to have a burden for Africa. The Lord has given me that passion and I will have to wait to see how He uses that in my life. I can't allow satan to use my expectations of others to ruin this awesome journey that God is allowing us to travel on. This is not to say we haven't had support, love, and help from a lot of people. We have some in our family that have gone above and beyond. But it takes A LOT to get through an adoption. A lot of everything. Support, prayers, money, love, patience. More than I ever realized. More than I still realize. We are just in the middle of it. But, God will provide. We just need to take our expectations out of people and place it in Him. And maybe, He will use our story to minister to others about orphans. I hope, and pray, that our lives will touch and inspire others to take up their cross and spread the gospel and commandment for the sake of orphans like we are. Maybe it's our voice that He is planning to use.
Please please pray for us and other famliies adopting. Prayer is the best gift you can give another person.

In the Trenches of Adoption Fundraising
In the words of Curtis Hannah, I think I'm having a come-apart. While I love this cute, oh-so-southern sounding phrase, I don't think I like actually experiencing one. October is now upon us. Which means colder weather and winter is just a hop, skip, and a jump away. (I hate this for reasons already mentioned in previous postings.) But now it's time to get creative in our fundraising.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Y'all have made $9600 from yard sales! How much more could you possibly need?" No, I'm not secretly putting some of it back into my "breast implant surgery that will never happen fund". We actually still need about $17, 000. Adoption, more specifically international adoption, is NOT for the faint of heart. I would say the poor but let's face it, just because you don't have an extra thirty grand lying around does not make you poor. We as Americans are actually very wealthy compared with around 95% of the rest of the world. I just can't afford to fund my adoption without losing a little bit of my mind.

But I digress. Back to my come-apart.  No more yard sales due to the colder weather. I have mixed emotions about this. We still have a ton of donations sitting in my mom and dad's empty house that I don't know what to do with. And it was making us some good dough. But a small, OK a large part of me, rejoices that I don't have to spend another weekend haggling with white trash over a $0.25 Easter place mat.  Or listening intently as someone who is probably in better health than I laments over how they don't get enough on their disability check so they can't pay me 2 bucks for the box full of Carters baby clothes that are all practically brand new.

Now I am admittedly NOT the biggest fan of yard sale shopping. I would, in fact, rather slit my wrists with a  rusty butter knife than to go yardsaling. But I have never understood the haggling of these people. If you can't afford it, don't ask someone to take it for half price. And don't ask to take a quarter off of something. It's a QUARTER!!! Especially when you are lighting a cigarette off of another cigarette. You didn't have trouble affording those! And I was tired of having to be at the mercy of my family. They were all very great at helping us sort, price, set up, and box up everything. I never could have done it without the help of my parents, sisters, sister-in-law, aunts, and mother-in-law. Even some of my church friends helped. It was a huge production that worked like a well-oiled machine. But I felt guilty for monopolizing their free time with our sales. Below is just a small fraction of what all we had to get rid of. My parents' house looked like something off of Hoarders, and it became a part-time job all summer long.

So, back to my come-apart. Where was I? Oh yeah. The fundraising. I am sometimes very crafty when I want to be. For years, I have been making homemade sugar scrub to give as gifts. My mom went on a Senior Friends trip a few weeks ago. She said everywhere they went, there was salt scrub in the bathrooms of restaurants. All the old ladies went wild over it. They wanted to buy it but it was like, 40 bucks. She told them that I made it and then got the epiphany that we could sell it for Layla. So for a week we have been exploring our options and trying to find the best venue to hock our product. A little tweaking to my former recipe and Viola! We now have enough materials to sell 500 units of this stuff. But, I have nowhere to sell it except by word of mouth. I feel as if I know enough people that perhaps they could take it to their places of work and churches and sell it. But again, I find myself at the mercy of others. Pretty soon people are going to start running when my phone number flashes across the screen!

As soon as I can figure out how to get the abominable Microsoft Office to print labels, they will be ready to move. We have Amber Vanilla, Chamomile, and Peppermint scents. They are $8.00 each and of course, all proceeds go for Layla. This child will never know how many nights I have lost sleep trying to figure out how to afford her! By the way, if anyone can think of a way I can sell this stuff or knows of a business that would let me place some, please email me at jandjdawes@gmail.com. I am also looking into making breast cancer awareness Christmas ornaments and UK bottle cap necklaces and key chains.